One of the things that constantly amazes me about fibromyalgia is doubt. We’ve all heard of fibromyalgia patients who don’t believe that their pains are real, or who are interested in medical professionals who are disrespectful of friends and family about the validity of their diagnosis. But I didn’t expect to have to constantly fight with doubt in my own mind.
I think it should be about the subtle nature of the diagnosis. We don’t have a blood test or an x-ray to show as evidence of our illness. Instead, they are asked about subjective questions that are really difficult to answer.
“How tired are you on a scale of 1-10?”
What is pain? Sensitivity, dull pain or sharp pain? How much pain should he suffer to be considered painful? Do you mean my pain or my definition of the pain five years ago?
“Do I feel hurt when I press these points?“
They have pain, but they are unbearable. If you ask me three years ago, I was going to say you were in pain, but now it just seems sensitive. I mean, is it sensitive or painful? On a scale of 1-10, this is five or eight?
I remember leaving my rheumatologist after an appointment with fibromyalgia. In the following days and weeks, I was overcome with suspicion. Did I answer the questions correctly? If I answer differently, can I still have the same diagnosis? What if I’m exaggerating?
Under your self-doubt, I’m sure there was hope that my problem could be solved, and a few trips to a physical therapist could handle it.
However, self-doubt makes it really hard to accept a diagnosis, which makes it very easy to push and end a push / multiplication cycle.
It took me more than a year to accept my diagnosis and I still have creeping doubts. Am I really sick or just lazy? I can’t really eat dinner tonight or just feel that way? He is doing so much with me that the person with fibromyalgia may perhaps be performing overdramatic and showing much more performance. Maybe if I exercise more, or if I take a certain supplement or change my diet …
Self-doubt already makes a tremendous experience even more destructive, because you can’t even trust your own instincts, especially you feel lost.
I really don’t understand how much pain I’ve suffered until I have a really weird migraine. He was one of the marathon migraines and ended up with aura in an unusual way. I certainly didn’t have pain when I had the aura. It took a few, enjoyable hours, and to me is such a revelation – this is what it feels like a normal person. For some time, sandbags have fallen from my limbs and pain, tension and stiffness have remained. I felt grateful for this short-lived breathing because it made me realize the full reality of my situation. There’s fibromyalgia. I have chronic pain and fatigue.
We find the way we all have to travel and discover on our own – we need to name our disease, recognize our limitations, define our needs, and then find a balance with a healthy (for us) activity level. It’s not an easy ride and no one can give us a map to guide us. Fortunately, we can support each other in our travels through such forums.
